The following is a true story from a personal friend whose name has been disclosed for confidentiality.
I sat in the passenger seat of my friend’s car, constantly refreshing Instagram to see how many likes my recent post received. We were driving away from Sonic where we met a group of our friends-- both guys and girls-- and grabbed a quick picture to post.
A few minutes after my post went live, my friend received a call from her boyfriend.
“No wonder everyone calls you a slut… I bet you’re cheating on me… If you respected me, you would stop hanging out with all these guys.”
I sat in silence as I listened to his shouting through the phone for the next ten minutes.
“Does he always talk to you like that,” I asked her after he finally hung up.
“We were just having an argument,” she replied with a shrug. “It’s normal.”
Verbal abuse is the use of language (aggressive or suppressive) to hurt or tear down another person, and it is anything but normal. It is important to recognize the difference between regular arguments and verbal abuse because for victims, the line can often be blurred.
In a normal disagreement:
It does not end in name-calling, and it never attacks the character of a person.
They don’t call you stupid and discount your opinion.
They might yell out of frustration, but they don’t threaten you.
They don’t start arguments every day, and the both of you eventually are able to find a compromise.
Consider it a red flag when:
They humiliate or degrade you.
Arguments are frequent, and they usually end in yelling or screaming.
They block you into a corner, hit the wall or throw objects.
They begin the argument, but they accuse you of starting it to make themselves the victim.
Once the argument is finished, they ignore you for extended periods of time.
It may be hard to evaluate whether or not you are in a verbally abusive relationship. Sometimes the abuse is said through subtle comments or even concealed as teasing, sarcasm or a joke. Eventually, you will find yourself “walking on eggshells,” so you don’t upset your abuser.
My friend experienced verbal abuse from her boyfriend for three years before she realized the damage of his words. He manipulated her to believe she was the reason for all their arguments, always accused her of cheating and constantly belittled her identity and freedom.
Remember that you are not responsible for someone else’s behavior. Abuse is the act of tearing down another’s esteem or self-worth, but you are more than the lies, humiliation and degradation you endure.
If you or someone you know is a victim of verbal abuse, call 1-866-331-9474, chat at loveisrespect.org or text “loveis” to 22522, any time, 24/7/365.
To learn more about verbal abuse, check out these helpful resources below:
Suzanne Rhodes
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